


WWE: Apocalypse Division

by siltscribe



Category: Rover Red: Alone in Apocalypse (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 03:39:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siltscribe/pseuds/siltscribe
Summary: A very, very, very belated blatant self insert gift fic for God Mod.I am clearly not above buying Council votes.





	WWE: Apocalypse Division

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you thank you, to everyone I asked to look this over, especially Nick, Quinn, Laura and Jason.

“This…. isn't Querque..”

“You're right. It's not.” Harrow didn't seem bothered by the concern in Slade’s voice.If he didn't know better, he would have wondered if she had heard him at all.

Dissatisfied with her reply, he followed her as she disembarked from the speeder. Nearby was a surly looking man in a cloak. Likely the owner of the place they'd parked. Having no desire to interact with any more wytches, Slade hung back while Harrow made her way over to him. After a remarkably short bargaining, they appeared to come to an agreement. Harrow tapped his palm, and made her way back to Slade, looking surprised to see him there. 

“Oh. You mean, you weren't done? Fine, go on.”

“You said,” Slade began, failing to mask the annoyance in his voice, “that we were going to Querque. That Jonah and Joelene were in Querque…. so; why aren't we in Qu-” 

Slade was cut off mid sentence by a withering look from his companion. 

“If you say ‘Querque' one more time, I'll waste an entire femur’s worth of bone marrow making you dance a jig for us the entire rest of the trip. I get bored easily, and would love the entertainment. Please. Say it again.” 

Her eyes sparkled as she waited for him to speak. When he didn't, Harrow nodded, the tiniest look of disappointment flitting over her face. “Shame.” 

Slade opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it. Harrow smirked, and nodded at him. “Good call. And you're right, this isn't Querque. Didn't I tell you that Querque presented some …. complications?”

She had. The nature of the complications hadn’t been explained then, and he didn't expect it to be now; so Slade just nodded. If his experience with Harrow so far had taught him anything, it was doubtful that she was actually looking for a reply, so he just nodded. If Harrow wanted to give information, she would. There wasn't much he could do otherwise. 

“Well, I have a _friend_ here in Jeffers who might be able to help simplify the situation. We leave in half an hour. Refuel, stretch your legs - puke in the field if you must - whatever you need to do; take care of it befor--”

“AYYY!!! Harrow!!??” 

All three of them- Slade, Alcrux, even Harrow winced at the sudden interruption. Harrow quit talking, and turned slowly in the direction the shouting had came from. 

Slade braced himself, expecting the worst. Harrow didn't seem the type to welcome being interrupted. Alcrux didn't seem worried, but then again, he didn't put much stock in the man’s opinion.

The person in question was standing next to a vendor selling some sort of modifications, waving exuberantly. They looked like they were a little taller than Slade, but with a smaller build. Nothing like Famine citizens, just more wiry than most. 

Slade shook his head, surprised the person was out and about in Death looking the way they did. They would be easy to pick out from a crowd, thanks to the mop of fire red hair on their head. Not to mention their manner of dress. Slade wasn't entirely sure what the person was wearing, and it wasn't immediately apparent what region they were from, but it struck Slade as foolish not to have a cloak. It was nearly impossible to navigate Death without attempting to blend in. It looked to Slade like the stranger had been trying to engage the vendor in conversation, but if the look on the vendor’s face was any indication, it hadn’t been going well. 

The redhead didn't seem bothered, however. The grin never faded as they waved goodbye to the merchant-- who wasn't paying attention-- and bounded up the concrete path in their direction. Skidding to a stop in front of the group, they let their bag crash to the ground as they scooped Harrow into a bear hug, swinging her around in a circle before setting her back on the ground. 

Slade looked at Harrow incredulously as the new person moved to greet Alcrux. Was this a new crew member? They didn't seem like the type Harrow would bring on board, she seemed much more serious about her work than that. 

“Oy, Harrow, who's this binch?” 

“Excuse me?” Slade almost tripped on the words as they tumbled out of his mouth. He wasn't used to be spoken to so flippantly. At least, by anyone who didn't live to regret it. 

Stammering a bit, the newcomer glanced to Alcrux, who just shook his head. Left to their own devices, they glanced back to Slade, circling their hands slowly in front of their chest. 

“Binch, you know… like a soldier. You know? A good man and all that … yeah.” 

“Lieutenant Slade, “ EVIE droned in his ear, “I do not think that's what the word means.”

Slade rolled his eyes. As helpful as his implant could be, telling him what he already knew was the opposite of helpful. “Obviously , EVIE.”

He started to retort, but thought better of it. Whoever the newbie was, they were someone who was in Harrow’s good graces. Which significantly lowered the odds of him winning any sort of argument they got into. Even E.V.i.E, would have been able to make _that_ prediction. 

Resigned, he took a breath, and extended his hand. He didn't like it, but for the moment the numbers were not in his favor. Some fights weren't worth picking. “Slade. Lieutenant Slade.” 

Harrow's companion shook the extended hand, bringing their free hand around to clap Slade on the back. “Slade, is it? Name’s Sid. I hear you're quite the fighter?” 

Slade looked at Harrow and Alcrux, who both shrugged. “E.V.i.E, how…” 

“No no no!” Sid snapped their fingers in front of Slade’s face, drawing his attention away from the AI. “Come on, man. Lieutenant of the Rover Fortress? Freshly branded Rover Red? Plus, you know, people talk. Did you _really_ try to kill some Dedlif soldiers?” 

“Lieutenant Slade, he does have a point. You really should have come to that conclusion on your own.” 

Slade ignored E.V.i.E. She might have been right, but it was again, entirely unhelpful. He rolled his eyes as he let Sid lead him a little ways off from the group. “No. Well, yes. But, that's not exactly how it played out. You really had to be there.” 

“That's fair, that's fair. Listen though. From what I hear, you're great with a blade. But you lack finesse.” 

They were a good distance from Sorrowbringer now. Slade could still see Harrow and Alcrux, but they weren't close enough to hear anything that wasn't shouted directly at them. His new crew mate was standing directly across from him, a gleam in his eye that Slade didn't trust. Shrugging Sid’s hand off his shoulder, he scowled. “I’ve never had any complaints before?” 

“Well of course not. I mean, either the people end up dead, or you end up formulating some grand escape scenario and they're never seen by you again.” 

Sid had a point. Annoying as it was. He nodded at them to continue. 

When they noticed Slade seemed to be listening, they continued. “So anyway. I recently stayed with a girl in Conquest- lovely thing, but that's another story entirely. Point is, I had access to SkyWeb, where--- I, sorry? You do know what SkyWeb is, don't you, Slade?” 

It was hard to resist the urge to laugh. Really? This _nobody_ was asking him if he knew what SkyWeb was? Whoever had been telling them stories clearly hadn't been telling them any good ones. 

In the spirit of avoiding any infighting, he kept his answer short and his voice as level as possible. “Yes. I'm very familiar with SkyWeb.” 

“Good.” Sid showed no signs of noticing Slade’s disdain, and chattered on, eagerly. “So you see, there were all these videos of people fighting in arenas back before the First Bloom. It's called wrestling? And it's absolutely fascinating. Less fight-for-your-life, and more.. I don't know. Flair? Sparkle? Eyes gleaming, Sid bounced a bit from foot to foot. “What do you say? I show you, you teach me a bit of the standby stuff, and we both come out of it a little better?” 

Slade just stared. That was the most ridiculous idea he'd ever heard. Why would he ever fight without his blade if he could help it? And _flair_ didn't appeal to him. 

“Yeah…. no offense? But that's not for me. I do just fine.” 

Sid’s face fell. It was clear to Slade that Sid hadn't expected him to be anything less than excited. He feigned a sympathic smile, and turned to head back to Sorrowbringer. 

“I'm sorry, that's just how it is. I'm sure you understand. Good luck with your wristing.. or… whatever it was.” 

He’d only made it a few steps, when he heard an almost inhuman screech. Startled, he turned around just in time to see Sid barreling toward him, arm outstretched. 

_So much for not fighting._ Slade dropped to his knees, letting Sid - and their arm - run past. As soon as he was clear, he sprung back on his feet, turning in the direction Sid had ran.

“What the _silt_ was that?” 

Sid shrugged, flashing Slade a brilliant smile. “ _Wrestling_. And since you reacted so well…”

Mid-sentence, they suddenly ran back at Slade. Thinking on his feet, Slade moved to the side, thinking Sid would barrel past again. Maybe he'd even tire himself out? 

The thought was short lived though. All too late, he felt his legs being knocked out from underneath him. He hit the ground hard enough to knock the wind out of him. 

Groaning, he fumbled himself back into a standing position. This wasn't likely to end well. And, if he remembered right, wasn't their half hour almost up? Cupping his hands around his mouth, he bellowed in the direction of the speeder. “Hey!! A little help, please?” 

Harrow smirked, waving away Slade’s concerns. “I can't be bothered with it right now. Do what you will.”

“Excellent! ‘Ata girl, Harrow. Knew I liked you.” Sid assumed a wide stance, and held his hands up in front of him, lightly bouncing back and forth from foot to foot. “Come on then, Sladey. Show me what you got!” 

Slade shook his head. Everyone around him was so helpful. First E.V.i.E., now Harrow. He was starting to think he'd be better off with the Rover Council. 

Taking on a similar stance to the person across from him, he frowned. This wasn't going to be fun. “Evie…? Got anything _actually_ helpful?"

“Lieutenant Slade, Sid is wanting to engage in a form of martial arts. Wrestling is what he called it. It seems like a more theatrical form of the sport than most people use, however. Would you like me to run another search?”

Slade rolled his eyes, reaching for his blade. “No need, E.V.i.E. this will be quick.”

He drew his blade, making a show of twirling it a bit. Sid wasn't the only one capable of showing off. He could at least make sure he looked good before taking out one of Harrow’s crew. 

Ignoring E.V.i.E.’s protests, he ran at his opponent, both hands holding his blade over his head, preparing to strike. Each step he took accented the pulse of his heartbeat sounding in his head. Three…. two… o----

“Ahhh silt. Really?” 

Without any warning, his blade had levitated a few inches into the air, taking Slade with it. He held on for dear life, cycling his legs to try and gain purchase.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Harrow crooned from her perch atop the speeder, still not seeming to pay the boys any attention. She stuck her tongue out at Slade briefly, and flicked her wrist, as if shaking excess water off of it. 

Slade blade shook free of his grip, and flew to Harrows side. She caught it easily, and started to play with it, fighting an imaginary enemy atop the speeder. 

“Now now, Slade. I know Rovers are primitive…. but don't you have access to SkyWeb?” 

Slade’s only response was to glare at her, completely ignoring his opponent, who had their arms folded, and seemed to be finding the entire situation all too amusing. Slade couldn't wait to punch that smirk right off their face. 

If Harrow was put off at this, she showed no indication of it. She was busy swinging her stolen blade around, doing what could have been interpreted as a half baked impression of Slade. She went so far as pointing it at Alcrux once, who didn't seem nearly as entertained as she was. “Since you seem to have lost the ability to speak; I'll speak for you. There aren't any blades in wrestling, Slade. You're breaking the rules. And we wouldn't want that. So, I'll hang on to it for you for now. 

Sid turned toward Harrow, and let out a laugh. “You shoulda let him keep it, love! I could have held my own, but I appreciate the thought all the same!”

Slade let out a yell and ran right at Sid, who side stepped him easily, wrapping his arms around the man’s head. 

“Well, that’s more like it!! Not exactly original, and you telegraphed the silt out of it, but…. it’s a good start. Maybe, ah, remember the clothesline part next time?”

Slade rolled his eyes at the unsolicited advice. It wasn’t lost on him that everyone who played any sort of role in his life right now felt a little too comfortable telling him what to do. 

“I don't care about being _original._ Or creative, or traditional. What I _do_ care about, is results.” Slade’s voice dripped with all the disdain he was able to muster from within the confines of Sid’s headlock. 

To his dismay, however; Sid seemed unaffected by it. As far as Slade could tell, at least from Sid’s tone of voice, they were perfectly at ease. More like they were catching up with an old friend over drinks, even; than holding a would-be rival under their arm. “Oh, I know. I've heard all about how effective your _results_ are, friend. Forgive me for bringing it up again, but it really does feel like you could use some finesse. I'd be happy to mentor you? I mean, Harrow’s letting me tag along any-whoa whoa!!” 

Sid’s offer was cut short by Slade’s renewed attempt to break free of the hold he was in. “I don't need _mentoring._ I don't need a friend, either. What I _need._..” His breath came in ragged gasps as he bucked back and forth- not completely unlike what he'd seen his children do in a fight- and yet, his head wasn't budging. 

“Ah… sorry? What was it you were saying?”

Sid’s voice still had that pleasant lilt to it, and it irritated Slade to no end. They didn't sound the least bit winded. Making matters worse, they'd started leading Slade around in a slow circle, arms still locked around his head. 

Slade didn't answer. He couldn’t think of a single answer he could give that wouldn't equal defeat in his eyes. Compromise wasn't something he excelled at.

Turns out, neither was wrestling. 

He felt his head bob as Sid shrugged their shoulders. “Right then. Can't say I didn't give it a go.” Sid released Slade from the headlock, spinning him around. Before the Rover was able to get his bearings, Sid wrapped both their arms around his midsection, throwing themselves backwards, sending Slade flying. 

The man hit the ground with a thud so loud that even Harrow and Alcrux winced. 

Slade groaned, blinking a few times. That had certainly not gone how he had expected. What had happened? And how on earth had it happened so quickly? 

Sid leaned over the prostrate man, and waved their hand in a sort of salute before bounding towards the speeder. Climbing aboard, they stood in front of Harrow and Alcrux, hands on their hips and chin held high. 

“So? How ‘bout a kiss for the conquering hero?” 

A smirk on his face, Alcrux shook his head. “I would, but you're not really my type… thanks anyway, though.” 

“Fine, but it's your loss,” Sid crooned, winking at him. “ Raising an eyebrow, they turned to Harrow and took her hand. “Love, I am apparently having horrible luck with the boys today. Would you do me the honor?” 

When she nodded her approval, Sid made a show of leaning down to plant a kiss on her cheek. She grinned, stretching on her tiptoes to return the favor. 

Leaning over the side of the speeder, she called for Slade. When his only answer was a series of groans, she rolled her eyes. With a flick of her wrist, Slade's body floated up from the ground, landing unceremoniously at the feet of the group. 

Sid knelt down, offering the man a hand. Slade took it, allowing them to help him sit up. Sid smiled, a genuine smile that somehow only managed to annoy Slade more.

“That a boy! That wasn't so hard now, was it?”

Patting Slade’s knee, Sid stood back up, clearing their throat. “Now that all that's out of our systems…. what have you all got to eat around here?”

Slade stood, watching as the newest member of their party wrapped an arm around both Harrow and Alcrux, ambling off in the direction of the mess hall. 

Whatever troubles waiting for them in Querque had better be worth it, he thought, starting to make his way in the opposite direction, towards his quarters. If the past half hour had been any indication, he was going to need more than his fair share of sleep to keep up with this crew.


End file.
